So...I'm sorry if these silly things made you think I didn't believe you. Can you imagine it from my shoes for a second though? I'm the girl who really knows what it's like to have her heart broken. I've gone to the deepest darkest place my mind could find and I just lived. I never thought I could allow myself to feel that emotion again. Trust shattered and basically I had the idea that anyone who wanted to love me was crazy because I'd only screw it up again. Why would anyone want to love me? How could anyone love me? Those thoughts I had. Lets fast forward here to when I met you. Neither one of us really expected any of this. I'm certain of that. I don't think we planned to become what we are. We sure as hell didn't expect to fall in love. At least I didn't expect to. Yet it happened, and the moment I felt it I never stopped to question it. It was just an instinct, as natural as breathing. Then here you come and be the first to say it, and I honestly thought you were joking. A cruel joke, sure but still I thought you were joking. I mean I'm just a girl who you met on a vacation, who also happens to live in another country, no where near you. How was I supposed to honestly think you could actually love me? It just seemed so surreal to me. Then I thought about it, and I realized that it's never felt wrong. It's always just been right. From day one when you made sure I wouldn't fall over the boat, to now. It's always felt right, all I knew was that I wanted to be apart of your life one way or another. If that meat just this silly girl you talk to for pure amusement, then so be it. I was okay with that, I just wanted to know you. and once I got to know you I realized that I really just wanted you to be happy. I still do. Your happiness is key in my book, just so you know :)
I had a whole bunch of questions that I knew I'd never ask because well you'd be like what the hell did I get myself into...then I thought about it all and I realized I don't care if I don't have answers. I don't care that we can't put into words exactly what it is we want to say because we don't need words to get the message across. I don't need answers, I'm just glad it happened. I'm perfectly fine with having to stumble over my words in order to let you whatever it is I'd like you to know, because you already know. Just as I already know. We never stopped and asked the basics because that just wasn't us. We got our Get out of jail free card, passed GO and collected 200 dollars. We do just fine without our basics. We have what we have, and I accept that without hesitation because the thought of you honestly loving me as much as I love you doesn't allow room for hesitation.
How can I expect you to believe if I'm the one shakin in my boots about the "does he? doesn't he?" or the "What ifs?" WHO CARES!?! All that should matter is this moment now, the moments we have to love each other. Is out future uncertain? yes. Why? because we can't predict it. Any number of things could happen. However, we have the want to have each other in our futures and that's enough for me. I have no doubt that it can happen as long as we keep that same want within us. I really wish I had the words to tell you the feeling I get inside of me when I think about you. It's the best kind of butterflies and I just smile like I've never smiled before. My mom embarrassingly calls it "his smile" because she just knows it's you whenever she sees that smile. I want to laugh and cry out of just honest to god happiness. It's new and exciting and I wouldn't change it for anything.
I said you never cease to amaze me and you seriously don't. I'm not used to it because well really only my parents have the patience to put up with my pointless, long, boring stories. Yet you actually want to know them. You accept me for being this strange, awkward, quirky person. You find all of those qualities cute. When just the other day I got a "Babe, seriously?" When I tried to tell jerkface about something I was excited about. and he laughed at my dorky flip up glasses. Which yes I'm sure you'd laugh too, just you wouldn't laugh AT me. You're willing to see me at my worst and still call me beautiful. I mean you actually stayed up super late, for well I'm not sure the reason, but you wanted to see me..and you actually let me see you for the first time in like ever hahah. You have no idea how much that meant to me. How much ALL of this means to me. How much you mean to me. I can't wait for the day where I can show you, when I can actually just walk up to you and say ohhai I love you. okay that's all. :] I'm willing to do anything it take, and I hope you are as well . You're right, it does make perfect sense. I can't picture life without you, I don't want to.
I'll end my ramble here because well I could probably go on for days hahaha. I hope this helps you understand a little better. I felt like it needed to be said and well I wasn't sure if I could say it all directly to you. So this I found could be better. I wish you were here tonight, I'd love to just cuddle up in bed next to you ...but soon enough :] I fall more in love with you everyday. You really are the greatest. Thank you for everything you've done, everything you are and everything you will be. Now that it's been said, I can leave it be. My oh my, it's a great feeling. So....basically....what I mean to say is....I love you Garrett Nelson :]
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