I've reread what you wrote to me atleast three times a night since you wrote it. Does that make me weird? Probably, but I don't care anymore. Why should I hide it? Not that I mean hide it from you, but from others. I've stopped caring what they think, I know what I know. I know what I feel. Nothing can change that.Do I still have my doubts? Of course, who doesn't? It's easy to believe what I want to believe even if it's not truth. However I'm usually spot on about these things, and besides I don't think you'd have a reason to lie to me.... Space Bound? I relate like crazy.
I've trusted and gotten hurt.
I've fallen with the promise of being caught....yet I hit rock bottom with no one around.
So this...gut feeling I've got...the one that makes me unbelievably happy and safe and OKAY and in love? Yeah that scares me.
Then again..I mean...I don't know if its the same for you...but this feeling.. feels..well different than it has before. There's truth behind it. I'm thinking so. I won't ramble on about it all here though...then you'd know everything and that's not cool...yet. We'll talk, and you know..I'll find some courage to tell you everything I've wanted to, or what you want to know.
Does it scare you too? blegh. I need to stop rambling. Sometimes I ask questions that I don't even want to know the answer to. So ignore that one.
All I know is... I miss you. Plain and Simple. I have no clue how it's possible for how short a time we actually spent together...but talking to you is a big highlight of my day, even if it's mindless conversation or just a quick hello. It lets me know that I'm still in your mind. and at the end of the day that's all I could ask for. Well...actually all I REALLY can ask for is..if that ever changes...just let me know. It'll hurt less than just disappearing.
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What am I doing? I need to get about from the negative. I need to listen to your words. They ease every shadow of fear or doubt I have. I keep listening to City and Colour...I've found a song that makes me think of you... Sometimes (I wish)... Just not the simple man part haha
"If I were a simple man
would we still walk hand in hand?
And if I suddenly went blind,
would you still look in my eyes?
What happens when I grow old?
And all my stories have been told?
Will your heart still race for me?
Or will it march to a new beat?"
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These are things I think about.... If you're truly serious about wanting to be with me...forever.. I wonder these things. Will you grow tired of me, after so long? Will I start to bore you, when our days become routine? Will the love you have now dwindle? Or will you continue to find reasons to love me just the same? If you even have reason to now.
What sucks about this is...I was just jotting down thoughts until I remembered you actually read this. ah well. Here's a look into what I think about. As you can see...a large portion is you. :) which probably makes me a creeper...dang haha
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On a separate note, I'm really looking forward to school...well for now I am. Its coming so fast and I'm just like oh neat this is going to be great! However once the reality of it all sets in I may go into panic mode. I've got to start applying to Colleges and figuring out life and get responsibilities i order and just pray I make it out alive.
Career is going great, I've got a few auditions happening and an Agent meeting next friday!! Which is super duper exciting because it means I'm doing SOMETHING right :D
I'm enjoying this summer sun too. It's beautiful...what's even better are the stars. They shine so bright. I wish I could just lay underneath them for a looonnnggg time. Anyone care to join me? We can make wishes too!! :)
My Family and I are just doing what we need to. They're so supportive and I couldn't ask for a greater one...
I'm headed to South Carolina in like a week and half which means BABIES!!! We're going to Myrtle beach with mama and poppy, Kelly, David and the kids. I'm soooo excited because well...kids are pretty much the best. I love when they discover new things...like..the beach! ahaha. Anywho i've gotta run.
Much Love.
Keep living the dream <3
AND LISTEN TO CHILDISH GAMBINO!!! He's my new favorite Rapper right now haha Thanks Liam.
Amy
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