So I haven't been myself. yeah...what else is new. I think I figured out why though, which is exciting. Change. Chage is coming, change has happened, change is here. What exactly is going to change is something I don't know, but I feel it. I think the fact that i don't know makes me nervous and panic. SO atleast I know that.. Yes, I'm about to start my senior year..and yes I have a bunch of new things going on in my life. so that IS a actual change...However it's not done. Something else is coming, it's just one of those feelings. I'm excited yet terrified to learn what it is. Yet whatever it is I can handle. Why? Because it's meant to be. Its taken me awhile to understand that as much as I'd like to I can't control everything that happens to me. Most things that happen are lessons.
You're mad at me because I did what I needed to do for myself. I deserve to treated with respect and just to treated correctly in general. I am a person. Not an object. You couldn't accept that and now you're just being exactly who I knew you to be. BUT whatever. It has nothing to do with anyone else by the way. This was all about you and I. I decided this, I needed this. I deserve to be honestly happy. However you could care less about that. anyway i've wasted enough on you so i'm gonna stop.
_________________________________________________________________
*new really vague thought, I know what i mean though and I guess that's what matters*
Am I scared? absolutely. I don't know what's going to happen. I try not to think about it, but it gets to times like this and I just.. I dunno...panic. I think? I'm not even sure what it is. God I'm a mess, how do people put up with it?? ahaha. Well anywho... I just don't know. I wish I could have a definate answer, but I wasn't meant to know the future. I'm supposed to take it one day at a time. My momma said to. So here goes..One day at a time. Lets see where this gets me.
_________________________________________________________________
I AM happy though. It's silly not to be. Whether I'm fated to pretend at times..at the end of the day I just laugh..say I'm pathetic then smile. Because none of it's true. I have no reason to feel upset. If I didn't think too much, I'd be fine. But I think. Oh well. So sue me. At the end of the day I'm the best that I can be. :)
SO now I'm not making sense. Done with my nonsense for the night.
No comments:
Post a Comment