Open my eyes to see

So I've had some pretty stupid moments lately. I'll admit that it's true. I'm not proud of it at all, that kind of behavior is terrible. If I think negative, negative will come about. So for me to think that I'm losing you and that you're gonna go away soon is the worst thing to do. 1. Because according to your message today I've gathered it's not true and 2. If I keep thinking it'll happen chances are it will and that would suck, because it would be all my fault. Sheesh.
I really don't want to scare you off with all of this either though, so if you'd like to stop reading I understand. (aka stop reading haha)

By no means do I expect forever from you. That's alot to ask for, and I would never ask you for anything like that. I can hope and wish for it all I want, because that way you wouldn't have a clue, I would never directly say 'em to you. But...yeah, I don't expect it from you. I know things happen, people change, people grow. However, I'll be more than happy to stay as long as you would like me too, and I hope you know you're welcome to stay as long as you choose as well.

This is why I want you to stop reading. I feel like this will be one of THOSE posts, the ones that make me feel really ridiculous and like an idiot for everything I'm going to say. hahaha...but I suppose since I most likely would never tell you these things directly, you can continue and find out indirectly...ohboy I'm an odd one.

Basically I want to say I'm sorry for the way I've been lately, the whole stupid insecure little girl.. I don't know why I'm being such a little bitch and annoying. I don't want to be THAT girl, because frankly I don't have the right to be THAT girl. Blegh. I guess I just still find it so strange that through it all you managed to like me, and now you love me... I mean I know I've said it before, but for cereal it blows my mind. I'm not sure exactly why, how or when you decided or when this all fell into place but I wouldn't change it.

I've decided to now stop all this nonsense and let whatever is suppposed to happen happen. Forget about forever and whatever because none of it is guaranteed, even if words say otherwise. Inserting a quote here " The key to any lasting relationship: Knowing when to be close and knowing when to give room."

So I think it's one of those moments when it's time to give room, which probably sounds really stupid in itself, but maybe it'll be better. So yeah. This way I stop sounding like a crazy ridiculous girl and more normal and chill. The awesome me. I really hope you haven't gotten this far in reading this. I'd appreciate it if you didn't. Anyways I'm done now.

Ames.

P.S, I still say ew I disgust myself. The end.