I want to be this old again. Where the only thing that mattered was if I wanted mac N' cheese with my hotdogs, or which crayon was the perfect blue for my sky.
When did things get complicated?
Was it once I let feelings get in the way?
When I turned thirteen and deemed myself no longer a child?
When I figured out what it meant to love? to cry? to hurt? to forgive?
Now I've got myself wrapped up in my future.
People asking,
Where are applying?
What do you want to do with your life?
Are you guys even really in love?
Why do you even try?
Do you know you hurt Adam, by loving that other boy, when he's probably lying to you?
What are you going to do once you're in different parts of the country?
Here's an answer for you all....
I haven't a freakin' clue.
I can give you my application list, I can tell you my hopes for the future...but then you bring in my personal life and I want to just scream.
I can't tell you if we're REALLY in love, all I know is what I feel, and I believe in what I feel.
I know I hurt him, but I'm not right for him anyway. I'm complicated to be with, I don't make any sense to anybody.
As for do I feel bad for hurting him? OF course I do.
As to why I keep around for a guy 4,000 miles away? I can't answer you!!! I just can't. It's not something I can explain. One day you'll have something like this and you won't be able to answer it either.
As to if he's lying to me? I'm so sick of this question, again...he is 4,000 miles away. He can't be with me physically...so I really doubt he would still be around if he was lying. That just seems like a waste of time and a really cruel joke.
If you want to know why he sticks around, ask him.
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I just want to get away, I'm tired of dealing with all of this. I'm shutting off my emotions. I won't feel anything. Who are we kidding?
The end.
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