I've come to the conclusion

That I am okay. I can totally handle this. I handled the first 16 years without you in my life. I can handle the rest of them too. I can wish all I want that you could be the one I can count on and all that jazz, but let's be honest we all stopped believing in wishes the day we found out Santa wasn't real or when we realized "honey, mommy and daddy aren't getting back together" (cynical I know. Im in a mood) anyway, yeah. If you don't want to be around then I'm not asking you to stay and I'm actually tired of waiting for the impossible to happen. You're no different than what I've encounters before, you were just ..lucky?...enough to figure me out. Oh well. Good for you. A lot of good it does now. BUT again you gotta do what you gotta do. But there will come a time when you'll realize that time just kept getting wasted and that no matter how many times you said "It's not you I hate, it's the situation" I still never believed you because your actions didn't back it up. You really could've just told me you hated me ya know? Cause if it truly was the situation you didn't like I believe you would've found a way to help me fix it. If you even cared like you said you did, apparently not. BUT you know, I really am okay.I know for a fact I will look back on all of this and I'll just fucking laugh and I'll let it be a lesson. Not to let petty things triumph over something much bigger and much more important..I'll remember that sometimes it's okay to go fight for what you want, even if they say otherwise because apparently deep down that's what they wanted from
you all along.

Maybe sometime you'll be able to laugh with me. Who knows. All I know is I can't keep waiting for the impossible. So I'm declaring thy I'll be okay. You don't need me? Then I'll go. And I'll learn to not rely on you. Find someone who will actually be around whenever I go all...well..Amy. Maybe I already know who they are..only time will tell.

When you boil down salt water you're left with salt. I realized that means I am only left with time. I have all the time in the world but really I'm not waiting. I'm okay, and for once okay truly is good. Thankbyou for teaching me things about myself and what I need to improve. Now I can be better for whoever else what's to appear in my life. Rhys what can take away from all of this of nothing else.

I'm done with my rant. Sorry party people I just had an ephiany and I figured I'd share. Maybe this means I'll just say fuck it and talk to him. I don't really have anything left to lose.

Goodnight. Sweet dreams.


Ps this can stay secret. Thanks.