My secrets are safer here...

Usually, I'd use Tumblr to blog thoughts, but that has been compromised by ex boyfriends and nosey bitches. Since the only person that checks this doesn't even do it often...AND he's one of the few people I'd trust with my life.

I've decided to redirect my life in the relationship wise and just person wise. HOWEVER, as far as changing my personality, I'm not going to do too much to that. I need to find someone that's going to want me for me. Warts and All so to speak. I'm ready to start dating again, I believe. Not necessarily a relationship, but I wouldn't mind the fun, beginnings. The dates, flirting, constant talking, learning. That's always so exciting. AND if nothing comes of it, no hard feelings! I get a friend out of it.

The guy I assumed would be the easiest to going back to being friends with however, has been such a tool. Honestly, I am so disappointed in him.  I guess that's what I get for having such high expectations of him, just as he had of me. But really...am I that difficult to even want to stay FRIENDS with? Shit dude. I don't even really miss him, I don't think. I feel it's just the physical closeness between two people. I miss holding hands, kissing, sex. I just need   want to just be close to someone. BUT I'm picky about that too..so that's a bit of an issue. I want to feel wanted, and give want back. Even if it's just for a small, false amount of time...which is why this usually works best with a close friend. BUT he's being a tool.

Meh. I just want a boy to tell me I'm pretty when we cuddle. It sounds so shallow..BUT it's merely a want. Not a need. I'm stronger than that and I don't, nor will I ever, need a man to feel validated. A lot of that has to do with this girl Alice Stokes Paul I researched. She's SUCH a badass..She fought all through the end of the 2oth century for Women's Rights. A HUGE civil rights activist for Gender Equality. She makes me want to create a cause to fight for. I'm a huge supporter of Invisible Children and Human Trafficking, I think I want to start my own organization for either one of these places. OR finding things that can send clean water to third world countries. I just want to DO something important with my life. Acting isn't as important as making a difference. However, as an actor I'll be able to use my voice, income and connections to help it. I just want to leave this world different than it was when I got here. I want my children to be proud of me and the legacy I left behind.


Anyways, I think that's all for now. I've got some homework to get to.

sometimesIthinkImbetteroffhadIstayedinlovewithhewhowontbenamed.