Sometimes

I'll post here in the hopes that maybe I still cross your mind every now and then. Not that I'm hoping you'll just pop up and say "hey! Sorry." or whatever. I understand that people get older and grow and change. I can't ask someone to stay that doesn't want to, which is why I never chased once I'd realized you left.

I just have moments like right now at 3 A.M. where I miss you. It was easier in the little world we had created because I knew no matter what I had someone I could turn to when I was feeling stressed out, anxious, any sort of emotion. Now, it's a bit different. These people here are ingrained in a different way than you were. I still talk to the other people I met through you, and it feels a bit strange-but they care and that's more than I could ask for.

You didn't stay long enough to explain and I will never ask.

Just, if you're reading this know that sometimes I still think about you and I hope you're doing well where you are. I hope you're happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you.

Happy Birthday.

I can't believe I'm updating this

I find it hilarious that I am updating this, however. It is now the year 2015 and so many things have happened since I last posted here. 

Adam and I have actually found a way to have a solid friendship..and you?

Well, you're gone. Without so much as a goodbye and I don't know if that made it easier for the both of us or what. I can only imagine you somewhat still care about me because I can see that you check my snapchat things. I know I sent you one in a drunken lapse one night saying that it was okay we weren't friends anymore and to be honest- I'm doing my best to believe that. I told myself that this new year I would take the advice you gave me so long ago, the "Stop caring about shit that doesn't care about you" and well- It's hard to stop caring about you because even after everything I have learned from myself and heard about you, I still can't think of you as shit. 

I have gone through this blog and skimmed so much of my past. Everything we once were to one another, where it all started to fall apart..all of it. I found the post I wrote you that you claimed to have read over and over. I said this to you  "Why? Because I know even if none of this happens in our lives, if it doesn't happen between the two of us I'll never regret the things that were said. In the end we'll find someone we CAN be all these things for and with"  And you know? Despite it all, I don't regret any of it. I meant every word of it. We were a whirlwind romance. We were fated to pretend forever, and maybe crossing our worlds wasn't the brightest of our ideas. It put the fire out just as quickly as it had begin. 

I'm not sure what this is trying accomplish. I suppose this is my goodbye to you since I never actually got one. This seems to be the only fitting place to put it. God knows if I'll ever talk to you again, and I've started having doubts about the big man upstairs. 

I'm not even asking for an explanation. Clearly, you did what you had to do for you. I should have seen it coming, honestly. Things weren't ever the same and now we're quite literally worlds apart. 

I guess you should know that I live in Chicago now. I'm in school there and I've changed my major. I hope Calgary is treating you well, and Stephanie. I hope you're treating each other well. 

I'm figuring out my life one step at a time. I have huge plans for this coming year and best of all, I'm happy. I truly am. I hope you can say the same for yourself.

I can't deny that sometimes I do miss you, but you chose to leave and I can't look back. So- Goodbye. You'll always have a very special place in my heart. If you should ever choose to reach out again, you know where to find me. I promised I would always be around, and I know that for a fact it will never change. That's just now the kind of person I am. 

Thank you for having one of the best chapters in my book.

Latersxx