It's OKAY to not have your shit together.
It's OKAY to not have control over things.
It's OKAY to feel miserable when you need to.
Please, just remember that it's OKAY.
No more, no less. but oneday it's gonna get better.
It's a place where I share my thoughts. Nothing is held back. I live to love and love to live. Don't be surprised.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
THIS.
You want to know what happiness is? It’s waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent, and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lays on anyone’s shoulder but their own. You smile, kiss their face in the most gentle manner so as not to wake them. You turn back around and an involuntary grin forms on your own face. You feel an arm wrap around your waist, and you know it doesn’t get any better than this.
Is exactly what I want.
"I just need to know that it's possible that two people can stay happy together forever"
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Define Happiness.
You CREATE your own happiness, did you know that?
So Happiness for me would be:
The color the sky is at sunset.
A clear night with stars.
Rockin' out to the Jonas Brothers (deal with it)
Laughing with friends.
Cuddling.
Holding Hands.
Harry Potter.
Kisses on the nose.
Those certain looks reserved only for you. (y'all know what I mean)
My Wife
and my belief in love.
THAT'S happiness to me.
Soo tell me, What's it to you?
So Happiness for me would be:
The color the sky is at sunset.
A clear night with stars.
Rockin' out to the Jonas Brothers (deal with it)
Laughing with friends.
Cuddling.
Holding Hands.
Harry Potter.
Kisses on the nose.
Those certain looks reserved only for you. (y'all know what I mean)
My Wife
and my belief in love.
THAT'S happiness to me.
Soo tell me, What's it to you?
Saturday, March 19, 2011
So it's true,
Old habits are hard to break.
That's why I never promise that I won't do it again.
I know I'll break it.
That's why I never promise that I won't do it again.
I know I'll break it.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Oh sad day....
So I just found out I didn't get accepted into one of my top schools. :/ A little bit of a heartbreak. This school was so perfect for me. It was located in New Brunswick, New Jersey. Only an hour outside of New York City which was ideal because I would have all of the benefits of the city without having to live in the city. (Not that I would mind living in the city, but still) ALSO your junior year you get to go to England and Study Classical text at THR GLOBE THEATRE!!! OH OH OH! Did I mention it's THE WHOLE YEAR!!!!
I would go to a whole new world and meet and learn so many new things. Find a wonderful british man and live happily ever after.... BUT those dreams..at least for Rutgers.. is crushed. This doesn't mean I can't go to London..but still. It just would've been awesome.
I still have NYU to hear from so fingers crossed.
If nothing else I can still end up in the city because I WAS accepted into PACE University. So that is good.
Silver Lining?
I'll end up where I am meant to be.
I'll be in New York.
I'll be back on the East Coast!!!
And I'll be closer to some cool people (:
I would go to a whole new world and meet and learn so many new things. Find a wonderful british man and live happily ever after.... BUT those dreams..at least for Rutgers.. is crushed. This doesn't mean I can't go to London..but still. It just would've been awesome.
I still have NYU to hear from so fingers crossed.
If nothing else I can still end up in the city because I WAS accepted into PACE University. So that is good.
Silver Lining?
I'll end up where I am meant to be.
I'll be in New York.
I'll be back on the East Coast!!!
And I'll be closer to some cool people (:
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Sooo....
Yep this is just a little update for you haha...
Basically your bestie Jamie is the coolest ever.
He doesn't know this, but he completely made my day.
I'm really glad he's your friend because he's pretty stellar.
The End. (:
Basically your bestie Jamie is the coolest ever.
He doesn't know this, but he completely made my day.
I'm really glad he's your friend because he's pretty stellar.
The End. (:
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Ohhello...Please help me. (Safe Place. Ignore)
When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath
And the space between the things you know is blurring nonetheless
When you try too speak, but you make no sound
And the words you want are out of reach, but they've never been so loud
Ignore the title. It's not so much as I need help...well okay maybe I do need help. I'm hurting mighty bad right now. Don't worry, I'll get over it. Heartbreak doesn't..well shouldn't last forever. Especially not the heartbreak from this kid. I never expected it though.
Wow. This really sucks. I kinda don't want to be apart of reality right now. I need an escape and I don't have one. I'm afraid I might revert back to some old habits... :/
" When your heart wears thin,
I will hold you up, and I will hide you when it gets too much,
I'll be right beside, nobody will break you"
Well my heart has worn thin, I'm not even sure it's still there. My eyes are tired, my body is tired... This song fits perfectly... except, the closest person I have to even try and hold me up lives back home. Nothing against my friends here... I just don't think they would lay down with me and just let me cry.
I need that. I need something. I need someone.
And the space between the things you know is blurring nonetheless
When you try too speak, but you make no sound
And the words you want are out of reach, but they've never been so loud
Ignore the title. It's not so much as I need help...well okay maybe I do need help. I'm hurting mighty bad right now. Don't worry, I'll get over it. Heartbreak doesn't..well shouldn't last forever. Especially not the heartbreak from this kid. I never expected it though.
Wow. This really sucks. I kinda don't want to be apart of reality right now. I need an escape and I don't have one. I'm afraid I might revert back to some old habits... :/
" When your heart wears thin,
I will hold you up, and I will hide you when it gets too much,
I'll be right beside, nobody will break you"
Well my heart has worn thin, I'm not even sure it's still there. My eyes are tired, my body is tired... This song fits perfectly... except, the closest person I have to even try and hold me up lives back home. Nothing against my friends here... I just don't think they would lay down with me and just let me cry.
I need that. I need something. I need someone.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
My thoughts exactly
I cannot even tell you how many times I've had this same thought, about if we ever actually see one another again. I used to be so terrified it'd never be the same. I guess I am still a bit scared of that...but it doesn't make too much of a difference now.
Sometimes, I should just keep my mouth shut. AND my heart.
That way my mouth doesn't end up talking my way into something that I can't get out of..and my heart stays intact if it never opens.
Playing it safe.
Playing it safe.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Esme Kenney.
I cannot believe it's been two years since you passed. I still have a bitter and vile taste in my mouth when it comes to that man. Justice has been served though.
I hope you know my promise to you is still rining true.
I hope you're enjoying the Angles. I can bet they love you.
I miss you all the world beautiful girl.
I'll be seeing you.
I love you.
I hope you know my promise to you is still rining true.
I hope you're enjoying the Angles. I can bet they love you.
I miss you all the world beautiful girl.
I'll be seeing you.
I love you.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Marianas Trench - Beside You
I know it's strange...but this song is my saving grace sometimes. So thanks for showing me (:
This is beautiful and so true.
You can stop taking quizzes in Cosmo. Here’s what love really is.
Love is still wanting to hold someone after you climax. After the initial euphoria from the orgasm wears off, you’re replaced with a sense of calm rather than a panic. You don’t want to search for your clothes, scramble to find your keys and figure out the best way to tell them, “See ya later forever!” You’re fine with chilling out in bed with the person and maybe ordering pad thai later.
Love is unattractive. It can expose our worst traits: Jealousy, irrational fears, heated anger; the gang’s all here! While it can bring out compassion and tenderness, it can also make you behave like the ugliest version of yourself. That can be okay for a little while, but love with real longevity should be like a xanax rather than an adderall.
Love is not afraid to be schmaltzy. There’s a reason why the most popular love songs are so lyrically simple. You can drown it in metaphors all you want but love usually boils down to, “You make me so happy. I want to hold your hand. I just want u 2 be mine 4ever!” You can be a 50-year-old linguistics professor at Columbia University and still find something to relate to in a Mariah Carey ballad if you’re in love because the feelings are so universal. It’s humbling, isn’t it? No matter who you are or what your background is, love can reduce you to Mariah Carey mush.
Love is an all-consuming drug. It gives us these natural highs we’ve only read about in books or heard in songs. It’s addictive. It’s what keeps us going to bars, drinking glasses of wine, going to that stupid house party in Bushwick; it’s all for the possibility of finding love. In the wrong hands, love can be dangerous and scary. If someone lacks a healthy foundation, love can kill. All of these crimes you read about in the newspapers are usually linked to passionate love. “I did it because I loved them just…too much.”
Love is not what our parents had. In high school, you never wanted to think about your mother and father having once slept with people in the backseat of cars and feeling warm and happy. That would make it feel less special and young. It would make love have less to do with you when, EXCUSE ME, it has EVERYTHING to do with you.
Love is getting drunk with your significant other at a party and taking a cab home with your bodies intertwined. You feel safest in these moments, the most secure. Entering a social gathering with someone who loves you is the biggest security blanket. People leave the party as a parade of droopy expressions and sad cocktail dresses. But not you. “Sorry guys, I’m in love! I’m taking a car!”
Love is fucking stupid. Love is fucking smart. Love is about betraying yourself, of compromising your ideals for someone else’s approval. That’s actually the bad kind of love, but I guess it all blurs together when you’re young or when you’re old or when you don’t love yourself.
Love is your significant other telling you about their favorite album and then making a point to fall in love with it on your own. Love is wondering why your better half loves certain things. You think you can find remnants of them in their favorite films, books and songs, but you usually can’t.
Love is finding yourself feeling protective over someone else’s well-being Love is being incensed with rage when someone or something has done your lover wrong.
Love is wanting your partner to cum. And if they can’t, just say, “That’s okay. I’m enjoying this.” It might be bullshit, but they’ll be orgasming in the next five minutes. Trust me.
Love isn’t always marriage. Marriage is spending $60,000 so everyone can know that someone loves you. You know what’s certainly not love? Debt. In some cases, love can be divorce.
Love is a back massage, a mindfuck, a hard cock, a pair of perfect breasts, of feeling unashamed about the cellulite on your body. Love is someone giving a shit about you enough to argue. Love is not passive. Love is “Don’t fucking touch me right now.” Love is “Who the FUCK were you talking to?” Love is sometimes hating yourself for a second. Love is hate. Period. Indifference is the real killer of love and the true antithesis.
When love leaves you, you should be lying on your bathroom floor with no resolve. You’re smoking cigarettes in the bathtub and crying about everything bad that’s ever happened.
Love is someone seeing the beauty in you and wanting to bask in it every day all day. Love is not guaranteed. We are not owed love. That’s why when we get it, we know how lucky we are and hold on to it for dear life.
So, yeah. That’s what love is. Anyone know where to get some?
Love is still wanting to hold someone after you climax. After the initial euphoria from the orgasm wears off, you’re replaced with a sense of calm rather than a panic. You don’t want to search for your clothes, scramble to find your keys and figure out the best way to tell them, “See ya later forever!” You’re fine with chilling out in bed with the person and maybe ordering pad thai later.
Love is unattractive. It can expose our worst traits: Jealousy, irrational fears, heated anger; the gang’s all here! While it can bring out compassion and tenderness, it can also make you behave like the ugliest version of yourself. That can be okay for a little while, but love with real longevity should be like a xanax rather than an adderall.
Love is not afraid to be schmaltzy. There’s a reason why the most popular love songs are so lyrically simple. You can drown it in metaphors all you want but love usually boils down to, “You make me so happy. I want to hold your hand. I just want u 2 be mine 4ever!” You can be a 50-year-old linguistics professor at Columbia University and still find something to relate to in a Mariah Carey ballad if you’re in love because the feelings are so universal. It’s humbling, isn’t it? No matter who you are or what your background is, love can reduce you to Mariah Carey mush.
Love is an all-consuming drug. It gives us these natural highs we’ve only read about in books or heard in songs. It’s addictive. It’s what keeps us going to bars, drinking glasses of wine, going to that stupid house party in Bushwick; it’s all for the possibility of finding love. In the wrong hands, love can be dangerous and scary. If someone lacks a healthy foundation, love can kill. All of these crimes you read about in the newspapers are usually linked to passionate love. “I did it because I loved them just…too much.”
Love is not what our parents had. In high school, you never wanted to think about your mother and father having once slept with people in the backseat of cars and feeling warm and happy. That would make it feel less special and young. It would make love have less to do with you when, EXCUSE ME, it has EVERYTHING to do with you.
Love is getting drunk with your significant other at a party and taking a cab home with your bodies intertwined. You feel safest in these moments, the most secure. Entering a social gathering with someone who loves you is the biggest security blanket. People leave the party as a parade of droopy expressions and sad cocktail dresses. But not you. “Sorry guys, I’m in love! I’m taking a car!”
Love is fucking stupid. Love is fucking smart. Love is about betraying yourself, of compromising your ideals for someone else’s approval. That’s actually the bad kind of love, but I guess it all blurs together when you’re young or when you’re old or when you don’t love yourself.
Love is your significant other telling you about their favorite album and then making a point to fall in love with it on your own. Love is wondering why your better half loves certain things. You think you can find remnants of them in their favorite films, books and songs, but you usually can’t.
Love is finding yourself feeling protective over someone else’s well-being Love is being incensed with rage when someone or something has done your lover wrong.
Love is wanting your partner to cum. And if they can’t, just say, “That’s okay. I’m enjoying this.” It might be bullshit, but they’ll be orgasming in the next five minutes. Trust me.
Love isn’t always marriage. Marriage is spending $60,000 so everyone can know that someone loves you. You know what’s certainly not love? Debt. In some cases, love can be divorce.
Love is a back massage, a mindfuck, a hard cock, a pair of perfect breasts, of feeling unashamed about the cellulite on your body. Love is someone giving a shit about you enough to argue. Love is not passive. Love is “Don’t fucking touch me right now.” Love is “Who the FUCK were you talking to?” Love is sometimes hating yourself for a second. Love is hate. Period. Indifference is the real killer of love and the true antithesis.
When love leaves you, you should be lying on your bathroom floor with no resolve. You’re smoking cigarettes in the bathtub and crying about everything bad that’s ever happened.
Love is someone seeing the beauty in you and wanting to bask in it every day all day. Love is not guaranteed. We are not owed love. That’s why when we get it, we know how lucky we are and hold on to it for dear life.
So, yeah. That’s what love is. Anyone know where to get some?
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
"And of course by As You Wish, he meant I love you"
This is a quote from the movie The Princess Bride. If a boy ever said As you wish to me in response to I love you I would probably just drop dead. Well...that's if they actually knew what it was from... but my heart would skip a beat either way.
I love this movie hahah
I love this movie hahah
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Girl moment....
Sometimes I'm not as strong as I appear to be. Quite frankly I don't always want to be this strong held together figure. Sometimes I would rather just curl up in a ball and fall apart. Fall apart while someone strokes my hair and tells me everything will be just fine. Someone to tell me that as long as they're here they won't let anything harm me. Soft kisses on the back of my neck. A hand to wipe the tears. That when I have these girl moments when I wonder if I'll ever be enough. For anyone. Smart enough, pretty enough, sexy enough, ...just enough..that when I have these moments..the only answer to assure me I'm enough for someone is..well for lack of a better word...love making. Slow. Passionate. Exploring and making sure every part of me is cherished..I suppose it's just a fantasy..but It's a nice one.
Maybe I have too high of hopes..but this is my girl moment.
And since I don't feel like I'll ever be enough to deserve someone as amazing as this..I'll dream him up. Meh. Why am I the weirdest girl ever? ...fail on mah life.
Maybe I have too high of hopes..but this is my girl moment.
And since I don't feel like I'll ever be enough to deserve someone as amazing as this..I'll dream him up. Meh. Why am I the weirdest girl ever? ...fail on mah life.
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